To use a cliche...

Life is a rollercoaster! One minute I am up, the next I am down. No, I think there are more ups than downs but at 6pm when neither baby wants their feed and both of them are sick, one of them all over me I cannot stay cheerful. Luckily DH had just got home and took over. I really feel like their feeding is going backwards. DH says it's getting better. He's probably right. I think being here all the time addles my perspective.

Yesterday we managed to get all three girls, in their party dresses, into the car and travel 70 miles to take them to their cousin's first birthday party. We could only stay 1 1/2 hours in order to get back for tea and bed time but it felt really good to have achieved this. Nice to talk to someone other than DH, you know what I mean, and great to see DD1 having fun with her eldest cousin. She grizzled all the way home while the babies slept mind you. Ah well! Here's the cake my very clever sister made. Think I should take her up on her offer to make DD1's cake in a month!

A Good Day

I've had a very good day. The twins have napped and fed beautifully. One or both of them were grizzly at lunchtime but always calmed down so quickly that I didn't even have time to think about going into the nursery.

And this afternoon I took all girls into town in the monster buggy and it was a great success. I had this fear towards the end of my pregnancy that I wasn't going to be abel to fit in any shops with it but so far, so good. I even managed to take DD1 to the park on the way home. We've not been to the main park since they re did it and she was really excited to go on the slide. It was so nice to be able to do something like that for her again. I did her bath too - something else I had to forgo for the later months of my pregnancy and while I was recovering from the c section. I feel like a proper mummy again!

"Babies Crying!"

DD1 learnt pretty quickly what crying was once her sisters came home from hospital. Recently on Baby Centre there was a thread about whether there are really people who never leave their baby crying. I think there are people who do not leave their baby crying. They are the same people who stay in their pyjamas everyday, who don't get the hoovering done or the laundry sorted (or have a cleaner), who daren't make any phone calls. They are women who don't already have a toddler.

When DD1 was little I threw myself into getting her into a routine. Looking back I realise I had nothing else to do that was as important to me. I was determined to keep her routine the same when the twins arrived, in order to help her feel secure and confident that her world hadn't really changed. By and large we've managed to do this, and it's paid dividends, she's still eating well and sleeping well. Of course there's been a huge change to her little life but I like to think she's generally happy and that any changes in her behaviour are as likely to be related to her development.

The consequences are that I can't always get to the babies immediately, because it might mean that DD1 doesn't get her breakfast or get dressed or go down for her nap when she needs to. It sounds like DD1 is my priority but it's more that DD1's routine is established and working and when the twins routine is established and working it will fit with DD1s. It would be going backwards to mess up the one that is successful. DD1 has to wait too. She spends a lot of time entertaining herself, or watching TV, while I spend up to an hour feeding the babies.

Also, even when DD1 is napping, or out with her grandparents I can't always deal with both babies at once. If I stop what I am doing to comfort the crying one I won't get both of them in clean nappies and make up two bottles so I can sit down and solve the cause of their unhappiness. And yes, if I need the loo I am going to do it before sitting down to feed them because if I don't and I get a urine infection I will have to get someone else to look after them while I go to the Dr, or else become unwell and less able to look after them. It sounds melodramatic but I have to keep me eye on the bigger picture.

So sure there are people who never let their baby cry. Good luck to them!

Weekend nearly over

It's been a good weekend. The weather has been lovely. DD1 has spent a lot of time in the garden with her dad, moving stones from one end of the garden to the other.

The babies have fed quite well and slept quite well, apart from at lunchtime, which is a pain because both DH and I are used to this being 'me' time to get things done. I hope they pick it up soon before DD1 decides that she is too big to nap anymore! They've done well at night though. Last night they both only had one feed. Pity I didn't sleep that well because I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. I guess I'm just not used to it!

Finally stopped bleeding yesterday, only for my period to arrive today. Am not impressed. I have my six week check on Thursday, hopefully after this I can drive again... and I will have no excuse not to get down to business on loosing weight. To this end I am going to set up a new group on Baby Centre for us February mummies to support each other through our weightloss goals. I need someone to prop me up and the pressure of having to report my progress, without shelling out a fortune to weight watchers!

Freedom!

Wooo hooo, the monster buggy is repaired and today DH and I took the children into town! I was pleasantly surprised by the number of shops that we could navigate; Boots, M&S and Wilkinsons, so some good essentials covered there. I also managed to get into the Dr's surgery (to drop off a repeat prescription) although I am confident I will have to leave it in reception as it almost certainly won't fit in any of the consultation rooms!

It felt good to be out, though I am knackered tonight, and that was even though DH did the pushing up hills. As I suspected I have some way to go before regaining my previous level of fitness. But it's good because I have four stone to loose (more on that anon) and pushing this buggy is definitely a workout!

So many reasons to be happy!

* Last night one of the twins smiled at me.

* My homestart volunteer came and we took the girls out for coffee. She seems really nice and we got on really well.

* The babies have done really well with their feeds today and had to be woken from their lunchtime and afternoon naps, wooooo hoooooo!!!

* The new part for the monster buggy has arrived.

* DD1 tidied up her toys before tea without being asked multiple times or being cajoled. She has also taken a liking to the song "If you're happy and you know it..." and actually does the actions I tell her to, she's never interacted with me like that before.

* I cooked Spaghetti Carbonara for tea, something else I wasn't allowed during pregnancy.

* A very good friend is paying her first visit to the twins tomorrow.

* The daffodils are coming up. Spring is on the way!

Today...

* Another order of budget clothes arrived to see me through until I loose a bit of weight.

* My mum came round, bought cookies and agreed to take up my new size 20 (yeouch!) jeans. I love my Mummy.

* Both twins woke early from their lunchtime and afternoon naps wanting their feeds early. I managed to actually dress them both today so they escaped babygros!

* My dad took DD1 along on his dog walk so I was able to take the twins out in the pram, not going to be able to do that much longer, they are really squished now. Hope the new wheel for the triple buggy comes soon. It's been a lovely day and I managed to walk as far as the river. Feeling a bit less stiff in the last couple of days too.

* DD1 wanted to take her teddy bear in the bath. We dressed him in a nappy and a vest instead. She's taken him, her polar bear, rabbit and two dollies to bed with her. At this rate there will be no space for her in her bed by the end of the week.

Tomorrow...

* Our new Homestart volunteer is coming and we're going to Waitrose for coffee. I'm a bit aprehensive about it. Hope we get on.

Flying Solo

Today is the first day that the girls and I have been completely home alone. I am quite glad that the monster buggy is out of action, if I am honest, because I would have tried to go out and quite honestly surviving the day at home has been more than enough.

You might say that I am making life harder on myself by attempting to put the twins in a Gina routine. But I believe that it will make life easier for all of us in the long run. I do, I do, I do, I do! Things making this even harder for me include

* The girls not always being able to 'last' between feeds. Worse still, one being hungry, the other being asleep! I am desperately trying to sync them for the sake of DD1, otherwise I will always be feeding a baby and not spending time with her!

* We were doing one feed a night, now we seem to be doing two, one of them perilously close to breakfast, meaning that they don't really want their first bottle of the day.

* They are still quite sleepy babies and so spend a lot 'awake time' asleep in their bouncy chairs! But I'll start worrying about this when they stop sleeping at night.

* When they cry during their naps I go up to resettle them and worry about what DD1 is getting up to downstairs and that she's on her own. If I'm downstairs I worry about why the baby/babies are crying.

* I am still getting my fitness back, will be for several months I suspect.

I suppose I will find answers to some or all of these problems, probably about the same time that they change their routine and give me new things to worry about. That's parenthood.

Still, here are some signs that I am not sinking yet...

* I have got dressed every day since getting home from hospital. There haven't been any pyjama days here!

* Most days I manage to shower and wash my hair - this makes everything better"

* I have managed to keep my nails neat and polished. (The key to this is to use a pale or opaque, iridescent polish that doesn't show chips).

* I have started cooking from scratch again, as we've run out of my stash of pre-cooked meals in the freezer.

* I am on top of my basic chores, even though we haven't hoovered upstairs for two weeks!

Monster Buggy Bites the Dust

What a day. I am mentally and physically exhausted. To prevent me ranting here it is in bullet points.

* My "designated twin's" feeding pattern went a bit haywire last night so I was knackered to start with.

* Had an arguement with DH while making breakfast, can't even remember what about now - general lack of respect of my housework.

* Put away washing, changed both moses baskets and all three cots. Fed babies, made lunch.

* Managed half an hours nap, woke up to babies screaming.

* We decided to take our triple buggy for a test drive. DH got it out the garage yesterday and I spent an hour refitting the footmuffs and harnesses. I haven't used it until now because I've been recovering from c section. We were only going to Waitrose. Got half way there, crossing a main road and one of the wheels snapped off. Had to stop on the island in the middle of the road and take DD1 out. DH pushed the buggy home without one of the front wheels, fortunately both babies asleep and I had to walk with DD, lifting her across roads (I guess my scar has heeled ok!)

* DH left me on my own at teatime to see if his dad could fix the broken bit. Both babies had leaky nappies (one outfit got thrown away it was so bad) and one was sick on the carpet.

Fortunately we have now discovered that we can order a new part for the buggy but it might take 10 days to come and until then I can't leave the house on my own as would have to use two buggies/pram. Insurance say I can't drive until my six week check. I am soooo desperate to do something with my parents or MIL!

The only good thing is that all three children have been asleep since 6:30pm, which hasn't happen in days so we have managed to eat a nice dinner and drink a G&T and a glass of wine!

I am exhausted, need to find some strength from somewhere!

"Accept all offers of help"

Read anything about twins and the above is bound to be included. And it's one of my biggest problems with having twins. I don't want help! I want to be superwoman and do it all myself. Yesterday I had a particularly big wobble about this and posted the following on my birth board on Baby Centre.

Don't know what to call this post. I am basically overwhelmed. Stuff with the babies and DD1 is going ok, not perfect, we didn't have a great night last night, but all as I expected.

It's my family that are doing my head in. As many of you know I had a c section and after three weeks DH went back to work so MIL and my parents kindly volunteered to help me with DD as I can't lift her into her chair for meals or into her cot at nap times. I also can't drive or push the new triple buggy so its been good having someone around just so that we could go to the park or so on.

But, it's been two weeks and I NEED to get intp my own routine and feel that I can handle my life by myself! With the twins settling more I am have been able to put them down for a nap at lunchtime at the same time as DD1 which should mean I can get something done or relax but MIL and my Dad are both too polite to bring something to do so I end up sitting on the sofa making small talk.

I've managed to shirk MIL, as she's on holiday next week but she's still sent me an email saying she'd like to 'help out' when they get back. And my parents have both told me they are coming round next week. I just feel like none of them have any confidence in my ability to do this! I feel like a child. This is on top of 6 weeks being housebound before they were born. I'm starting to doubt my own capabilities.

DH listened to this whole rant when he got home and said they're all just trying to be nice and that they want to see their grandchildren and it's an excuse and I know all that but I want to be able to get up in the morning and think "What shall we do today?" not "Whose coming today - oh that means we can't go out!"

I know having twins is hard work, I know there will be days when I am so fed up but it feels like I've given up my independence my having twins.

I know what I've got to do, be firm with them and/or make plans and be busy so I've got an excuse but I don't want to offend... arghhh! They mean well.

Am on the verge of deleting this post as it's simply a rant with no purpose. Thanks if you've read this far!

Responses included

"Totally understand. My mum is coming next week to help but its easier to work your day out by yourself"

"The only thing to do is really to be utterly "rude" and announce "well I'm going to do such-and-such now."

"be firm/clear and say 'No I want and need to do this part on my own but it is nice to know I have people to call on"

All good suggestions but I have a feeling it's going to take me a little longer to figure this out!


And finally...

So delighted to hear that a fellow blogger and multiple mum from the BC "Pregnant with Twins" board has had her quadruplets, on 29th February (leap day) no less! Click over to Emma's blog to read more. Congratulations Emma & Martin!