Reasons to be cheerful

* Last night was the first night, since the babies were born, that neither DH or I got out of bed because neither of them needed feeding!!! "Sleeping through would be a slight exageration as they both woke us up occassionally grumbling but WHAT a development!

* DD1 is so funny, I love her observations. Todays was "Mummy push buggy. Lady push dog!"

*It didn't rain when we went out today

Misery Guts

Man in tescos queue looking at monster buggy: "Have you got three in there?!"

Me: "Yes"

Man: "That must be hard work"

Me: "Yes" [thinks: what's really hard is fending off idiots like you when I just want to buy a pint of milk!]


Yes it is hard work, some days more than others. Like today. And on those days I am not convinced that I am ever coping. Sometimes I think the bad days are the only time I am actually thinking clearly. Maybe when I think I am coping I am just kidding myself? I actually thought and said to DH today "I don't deserve twins, I am not a good enough mummy!" And I meant it.

• The twins often don't feed well when I feed them and DH has to take over after he's finished his baby. Yesterday on of them was sick three times when I fed her, that's how rubbish I am.


• DD1 is being a minx and not eating the food that I spend time cooking her and I can't make her behave any better.


• Worst: My babies are probably less trouble put together that some single babies and yet I still want more from them (mostly longer, quieter naps please).

Reasons to be happy:

• It's my birthday on Thursday and DH and I are having our first evening out for six months


• I just ordered myself a bag and a pair of shoes


• I have now lost half a stone


• There were no nappies downstairs when we ran out.

I want to be a Yummy Mummy!

Since DD1 was born I feel I've been floundering with my style. The kind of stuff I used to wear (A line skirts, wedges and big earrings) no longer seem practical but I don't want to live in jeans and trainers.

I've only allowed myself to buy a couple of pairs of jeans and tops to get my through these first few months as I try to shed the baby weight. I hate buying clothes I hope I won't wear long. Consequently I have no idea what I am going to wear to my sisters for lunch on Sunday. I have one dress but it seems a bit formal and I probably don't have any good tights. I used to always know what I was going to wear for 'occassions' sometimes weeks in advance. It's also my birthday on Thursday and I am invited to my parents for lunch and DH and I are going out for dinner in the evening. Absolutely no idea if there's anything I have that would do. Also I don't want to make do, I want to feel good, like I used to.

Totally sorted the girls outfits in my head though, I always solve their fashion dilemas before mine now :o(

Must be positive though, have so far lost 7lb. Even if I did have a sneaky bit of chocolate after lunch.

To use a cliche...

Life is a rollercoaster! One minute I am up, the next I am down. No, I think there are more ups than downs but at 6pm when neither baby wants their feed and both of them are sick, one of them all over me I cannot stay cheerful. Luckily DH had just got home and took over. I really feel like their feeding is going backwards. DH says it's getting better. He's probably right. I think being here all the time addles my perspective.

Yesterday we managed to get all three girls, in their party dresses, into the car and travel 70 miles to take them to their cousin's first birthday party. We could only stay 1 1/2 hours in order to get back for tea and bed time but it felt really good to have achieved this. Nice to talk to someone other than DH, you know what I mean, and great to see DD1 having fun with her eldest cousin. She grizzled all the way home while the babies slept mind you. Ah well! Here's the cake my very clever sister made. Think I should take her up on her offer to make DD1's cake in a month!

A Good Day

I've had a very good day. The twins have napped and fed beautifully. One or both of them were grizzly at lunchtime but always calmed down so quickly that I didn't even have time to think about going into the nursery.

And this afternoon I took all girls into town in the monster buggy and it was a great success. I had this fear towards the end of my pregnancy that I wasn't going to be abel to fit in any shops with it but so far, so good. I even managed to take DD1 to the park on the way home. We've not been to the main park since they re did it and she was really excited to go on the slide. It was so nice to be able to do something like that for her again. I did her bath too - something else I had to forgo for the later months of my pregnancy and while I was recovering from the c section. I feel like a proper mummy again!

"Babies Crying!"

DD1 learnt pretty quickly what crying was once her sisters came home from hospital. Recently on Baby Centre there was a thread about whether there are really people who never leave their baby crying. I think there are people who do not leave their baby crying. They are the same people who stay in their pyjamas everyday, who don't get the hoovering done or the laundry sorted (or have a cleaner), who daren't make any phone calls. They are women who don't already have a toddler.

When DD1 was little I threw myself into getting her into a routine. Looking back I realise I had nothing else to do that was as important to me. I was determined to keep her routine the same when the twins arrived, in order to help her feel secure and confident that her world hadn't really changed. By and large we've managed to do this, and it's paid dividends, she's still eating well and sleeping well. Of course there's been a huge change to her little life but I like to think she's generally happy and that any changes in her behaviour are as likely to be related to her development.

The consequences are that I can't always get to the babies immediately, because it might mean that DD1 doesn't get her breakfast or get dressed or go down for her nap when she needs to. It sounds like DD1 is my priority but it's more that DD1's routine is established and working and when the twins routine is established and working it will fit with DD1s. It would be going backwards to mess up the one that is successful. DD1 has to wait too. She spends a lot of time entertaining herself, or watching TV, while I spend up to an hour feeding the babies.

Also, even when DD1 is napping, or out with her grandparents I can't always deal with both babies at once. If I stop what I am doing to comfort the crying one I won't get both of them in clean nappies and make up two bottles so I can sit down and solve the cause of their unhappiness. And yes, if I need the loo I am going to do it before sitting down to feed them because if I don't and I get a urine infection I will have to get someone else to look after them while I go to the Dr, or else become unwell and less able to look after them. It sounds melodramatic but I have to keep me eye on the bigger picture.

So sure there are people who never let their baby cry. Good luck to them!

Weekend nearly over

It's been a good weekend. The weather has been lovely. DD1 has spent a lot of time in the garden with her dad, moving stones from one end of the garden to the other.

The babies have fed quite well and slept quite well, apart from at lunchtime, which is a pain because both DH and I are used to this being 'me' time to get things done. I hope they pick it up soon before DD1 decides that she is too big to nap anymore! They've done well at night though. Last night they both only had one feed. Pity I didn't sleep that well because I'd had a couple of glasses of wine. I guess I'm just not used to it!

Finally stopped bleeding yesterday, only for my period to arrive today. Am not impressed. I have my six week check on Thursday, hopefully after this I can drive again... and I will have no excuse not to get down to business on loosing weight. To this end I am going to set up a new group on Baby Centre for us February mummies to support each other through our weightloss goals. I need someone to prop me up and the pressure of having to report my progress, without shelling out a fortune to weight watchers!