"Accept all offers of help"

Read anything about twins and the above is bound to be included. And it's one of my biggest problems with having twins. I don't want help! I want to be superwoman and do it all myself. Yesterday I had a particularly big wobble about this and posted the following on my birth board on Baby Centre.

Don't know what to call this post. I am basically overwhelmed. Stuff with the babies and DD1 is going ok, not perfect, we didn't have a great night last night, but all as I expected.

It's my family that are doing my head in. As many of you know I had a c section and after three weeks DH went back to work so MIL and my parents kindly volunteered to help me with DD as I can't lift her into her chair for meals or into her cot at nap times. I also can't drive or push the new triple buggy so its been good having someone around just so that we could go to the park or so on.

But, it's been two weeks and I NEED to get intp my own routine and feel that I can handle my life by myself! With the twins settling more I am have been able to put them down for a nap at lunchtime at the same time as DD1 which should mean I can get something done or relax but MIL and my Dad are both too polite to bring something to do so I end up sitting on the sofa making small talk.

I've managed to shirk MIL, as she's on holiday next week but she's still sent me an email saying she'd like to 'help out' when they get back. And my parents have both told me they are coming round next week. I just feel like none of them have any confidence in my ability to do this! I feel like a child. This is on top of 6 weeks being housebound before they were born. I'm starting to doubt my own capabilities.

DH listened to this whole rant when he got home and said they're all just trying to be nice and that they want to see their grandchildren and it's an excuse and I know all that but I want to be able to get up in the morning and think "What shall we do today?" not "Whose coming today - oh that means we can't go out!"

I know having twins is hard work, I know there will be days when I am so fed up but it feels like I've given up my independence my having twins.

I know what I've got to do, be firm with them and/or make plans and be busy so I've got an excuse but I don't want to offend... arghhh! They mean well.

Am on the verge of deleting this post as it's simply a rant with no purpose. Thanks if you've read this far!

Responses included

"Totally understand. My mum is coming next week to help but its easier to work your day out by yourself"

"The only thing to do is really to be utterly "rude" and announce "well I'm going to do such-and-such now."

"be firm/clear and say 'No I want and need to do this part on my own but it is nice to know I have people to call on"

All good suggestions but I have a feeling it's going to take me a little longer to figure this out!


And finally...

So delighted to hear that a fellow blogger and multiple mum from the BC "Pregnant with Twins" board has had her quadruplets, on 29th February (leap day) no less! Click over to Emma's blog to read more. Congratulations Emma & Martin!

Grizzly Day

Oh dear, it's been a grizzly day. The twins managed their morning nap well (as they do usually) but apart from that were asleep when they should have been awake and vice versa! I'm nudging them into a Gina Ford routine. I think she's a goddess. Certainly worked for us with DD1. The feed times are starting to fall into place but I think we've got some way to go with the rest. Having said that they were both quiet all evening yesterday, which hadn't happened for a week. It was like they had a little conference at 5:30pm every day to decide whose turn it was that day to play us up! As far as I am concerned that is one for the big pluses with Gina, that grown ups get an evening without bouncing a screaming baby on their knee. Fingers crossed this becomes a regular reality for us soon.

We've also had MIL here today as I am still not lifting DD1 following my csection. I really hope that I will be able to fly solo from next week. I am grateful for the help that I've had but I need to be able to look after the three girls on my own in order to feel like a grown up again and I would rather spend nap times doing things I want to do and not making small talk!

MIL being here made us able to go for a walk to the park which was a highlight for DD1 and meant that the babies did sleep in their pram for a while. Also it means that I am getting exercise. Until last week I had not walked further than the end of our road since December as I got too tired going any further. It's going to take a while for me to build up my fitness and strength again. But I want to start pushing my monster buggy, see picture, ASAP! Check it out at www.lotsofbabies.com