While I have been not blogging...

... in no particular order

* The twins have had their second round of jabs; they were very good.

* We finally have an appointment for their hips (suspected clicky at 6wk check) to be scanned next Thursday.

* They've outgrown their moses baskets and 0-3m clothes!

* DD1 does seem to have arrived in the "terrible twos" - cue tantrums and picky eating. But she's so lovely and funny the rest of the time!

* I've been investigating some new 'business' ideas and just generally getting more organised day to day

* We've been going to and loving Twins Club. So nice to feel unfreaky and talk to mums with the same experiences. There's even talk of a Mum's night out.

* I have started swimming again.

A month's worth (I hope) of nappies from Lidyl

* I have started shopping at Lidyl once a month in an effort to save money on basics like nappies. I reckon we could save £15 a month on the 360 nappies I think we use.

* I have now lost more than a stone! Another 1/2 stone and I shall be at my pre-twins weight with more clothes that fit available to me!

* I went shopping by myself yesterday for two hours during nap time (I <3 nap time and I <3 Gina!). It was so nice to go in shops that the monster buggy (hereafter MB) doesn't fit into and to be 'invisible'. I never am when I am pushing the MB. I even got ID'd in Tescos buying a bottle of wine? Quite a compliment at 33.

* I have had a contraceptive implant fitted - no more babies for me (that's another post). The Dr said to me "That's it, all being well we don't need to see you for three years". Which led me to reflect, aloud, on what had happened to me in the previous 3 years. I got married and had three babies! "I hope not as much happens in the next three years!" I said to the Dr. "Well," she said "that's the sign of a contented life then."

Happy Birthday!

Tomorrow is my birthday. To be honest, it's never been such a non event! In my 20's it was a BIG deal. I would take the whole week off, it became know as my birthday festival and I had something planned every day including dinners, shopping trips and theatre outings. I spend a lot of money, but then I still lived at home. It was also a chance to invite some uni friends to stay as to be honest they all waited for me to organise us to get together. I don't see them so much these days. Of course their lives have changed too, two of the four of them also have children, making weekend gatherings harder.

My mum is cooking lunch and DH and I are taking the girls round there. My sister and her family will also be joining us. I am just hoping that the babies will have a sleep when we put them down in my old bedroom. I hate social gatherings where babies won't settle and we have the dilema of leaving them crying and seeming mean or getting them up and seeming weak!

I don't know whether to be sad about my birthday festival or not. I've wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember, more than I ever fancied any job. But right now it is quite tough. I guess the fact is that as I turn 33 tomorrow I will have to remember that I had a really good long run of birthday festivals.

Reasons to be cheerful

• We met one of my NCT (DD1) friends and her son today at the park near their house and the babies slept, parked up, not moving for nearly an hour while we chatted and the toddlers ran around. It was fab.


• The babies slept well (again) at lunchtime and I read my book


• There's a substantial pile of presents on DH's office chair


• The babies are really smiling and trying to talk to us now

Misery Guts

Man in tescos queue looking at monster buggy: "Have you got three in there?!"

Me: "Yes"

Man: "That must be hard work"

Me: "Yes" [thinks: what's really hard is fending off idiots like you when I just want to buy a pint of milk!]


Yes it is hard work, some days more than others. Like today. And on those days I am not convinced that I am ever coping. Sometimes I think the bad days are the only time I am actually thinking clearly. Maybe when I think I am coping I am just kidding myself? I actually thought and said to DH today "I don't deserve twins, I am not a good enough mummy!" And I meant it.

• The twins often don't feed well when I feed them and DH has to take over after he's finished his baby. Yesterday on of them was sick three times when I fed her, that's how rubbish I am.


• DD1 is being a minx and not eating the food that I spend time cooking her and I can't make her behave any better.


• Worst: My babies are probably less trouble put together that some single babies and yet I still want more from them (mostly longer, quieter naps please).

Reasons to be happy:

• It's my birthday on Thursday and DH and I are having our first evening out for six months


• I just ordered myself a bag and a pair of shoes


• I have now lost half a stone


• There were no nappies downstairs when we ran out.

To use a cliche...

Life is a rollercoaster! One minute I am up, the next I am down. No, I think there are more ups than downs but at 6pm when neither baby wants their feed and both of them are sick, one of them all over me I cannot stay cheerful. Luckily DH had just got home and took over. I really feel like their feeding is going backwards. DH says it's getting better. He's probably right. I think being here all the time addles my perspective.

Yesterday we managed to get all three girls, in their party dresses, into the car and travel 70 miles to take them to their cousin's first birthday party. We could only stay 1 1/2 hours in order to get back for tea and bed time but it felt really good to have achieved this. Nice to talk to someone other than DH, you know what I mean, and great to see DD1 having fun with her eldest cousin. She grizzled all the way home while the babies slept mind you. Ah well! Here's the cake my very clever sister made. Think I should take her up on her offer to make DD1's cake in a month!

A Good Day

I've had a very good day. The twins have napped and fed beautifully. One or both of them were grizzly at lunchtime but always calmed down so quickly that I didn't even have time to think about going into the nursery.

And this afternoon I took all girls into town in the monster buggy and it was a great success. I had this fear towards the end of my pregnancy that I wasn't going to be abel to fit in any shops with it but so far, so good. I even managed to take DD1 to the park on the way home. We've not been to the main park since they re did it and she was really excited to go on the slide. It was so nice to be able to do something like that for her again. I did her bath too - something else I had to forgo for the later months of my pregnancy and while I was recovering from the c section. I feel like a proper mummy again!

"Babies Crying!"

DD1 learnt pretty quickly what crying was once her sisters came home from hospital. Recently on Baby Centre there was a thread about whether there are really people who never leave their baby crying. I think there are people who do not leave their baby crying. They are the same people who stay in their pyjamas everyday, who don't get the hoovering done or the laundry sorted (or have a cleaner), who daren't make any phone calls. They are women who don't already have a toddler.

When DD1 was little I threw myself into getting her into a routine. Looking back I realise I had nothing else to do that was as important to me. I was determined to keep her routine the same when the twins arrived, in order to help her feel secure and confident that her world hadn't really changed. By and large we've managed to do this, and it's paid dividends, she's still eating well and sleeping well. Of course there's been a huge change to her little life but I like to think she's generally happy and that any changes in her behaviour are as likely to be related to her development.

The consequences are that I can't always get to the babies immediately, because it might mean that DD1 doesn't get her breakfast or get dressed or go down for her nap when she needs to. It sounds like DD1 is my priority but it's more that DD1's routine is established and working and when the twins routine is established and working it will fit with DD1s. It would be going backwards to mess up the one that is successful. DD1 has to wait too. She spends a lot of time entertaining herself, or watching TV, while I spend up to an hour feeding the babies.

Also, even when DD1 is napping, or out with her grandparents I can't always deal with both babies at once. If I stop what I am doing to comfort the crying one I won't get both of them in clean nappies and make up two bottles so I can sit down and solve the cause of their unhappiness. And yes, if I need the loo I am going to do it before sitting down to feed them because if I don't and I get a urine infection I will have to get someone else to look after them while I go to the Dr, or else become unwell and less able to look after them. It sounds melodramatic but I have to keep me eye on the bigger picture.

So sure there are people who never let their baby cry. Good luck to them!